I’m 40! Life Bring It On! – In my regal four poster bed in Ireland this morning, I remember my early twenties…and I’m compelled to share this.
There was so much going on inside and out, it was too much to handle and I was nothing but a ball of anger waiting to explode.
As an interior designer working in Abu Dhabi at the time, I fought with everyone I worked with. All I saw was the liars and the cheaters and the scoundrels who were out to get me. Hell, it felt like the whole world was conspiring to get me.
In the middle of all that, there were 2 things that made me pull through even in the darkest of days and boy did I go through a whole ton of those!!
One… I had so much love in me. I used to tell close friends, with frustration, that I feel it all running through my veins literally and that it’s all going to waste, literally. I was in relationships, none that lasted, fortunately… and back then I attributed the waste of all that love I had to ‘not having a man’ in my life. Little did I know.
Two… I always kept saying to myself… “This can’t be it. There must be something better in store for me.” I’ve no idea where it came from considering the doom and gloom I saw myself living in. I just knew it in my heart and didn’t share with anyone lest they think I’m crazy, ungrateful or arrogant to think my life as-is back then was not good enough. I knew that I was a good girl and that the universe has something better in store for good girls and that it was just around the corner. Little did I know.
Well, it was one hell of a freakin’ ginormously, intergalactically huge corner… but I made it.
This morning, I’m not celebrating my ‘ 40th birthday’. I’m celebrating ‘life’.
I’m celebrating ‘choice’. I’m celebrating ‘resilience’. This is about pulling through powered by nothing but the desire to love. Knowing I have it within me to do more, be more, give more. Now I celebrate every little decision, good or bad, that I made along this path called ‘my life’. I’m happy even though I’m balling my eyes out as I write this. Always a fan of the less traveled road, always ending up not doing as I’m told. I’m happy I did it my way. I was a rebel without a cause and now I’m a love rebel. Something better was in store for me, but life has it, that I needed to do all the work to get there. Nothing comes easy and that’s what makes it all worthwhile.
Law of attraction is not to think without action. It’s to act upon what you think.
Yes, a lot of the action can be in the dark, with head banging against walls left right and center… but in the end, all that matters is that you continue to do what you love and love what you do.
At 40, today, I can say… Randa, I love you. I love you so very much. For getting us here. For being grounded in your belief that something better is out there. For the strong desire you have for more. For the fire in your belly. For all the love you are capable of giving and for finding the best way to channel all that love to others (now let’s work on receiving it too and allowing that to happen). For speaking your truth and expressing yourself (still lots of work to do on this). For trusting your intuition blindly.
To every person out there who loves me, supports me, cheers me on, I say thank you I love you, I really do. To every person out there who doesn’t love me, pushes my buttons, bullies me, or wants to put me down, I say thank you, keep doing what you do because that shit gives me even more energy and I love you too for being a teacher showing me how much more I can still do.
At 40, today, I say to every 20 something year old woman… hang in there. Be powered by your passion. Don’t let a man be the source of your self worth. Be with a man who will make you want to fly even higher. Love yourself like there’s no tomorrow. Don’t give anyone the control to put you down. Believe in the power of your dreams. A mirror only shows you the clutter in your mind. Declutter and you will see everything from a different perspective. Notice. Who you are being is as important as what you are doing. Did I say love yourself? Well, I’ll say it again, love yourself. That’s where it all starts. Love yourself and that love will overflow into everything else in your life. All we need is love and love is all we need.
World move on over and let me show you how I will rock the 5th decade of my life!